Whining in a Wheelchair Literally Gets You Nowhere

Normally when I read blog posts or news stories about disabled individuals who have somehow made headlines, they're inspiring or uplifting in nature. But every so often, I read a story that really pisses me off. I mean...REALLY. I'll elaborate.

I'm pretty proud of my independence, and granted, not everyone in a wheelchair has the same physical capabilities I still have to move around, travel, and get things done. But one thing I definitely don't have is a sense of entitlement attached to my MS or accompanying disability. Keep that in mind as I tell you this story.

Model Chelsea Jay

Chelsea Jay is a gorgeous 24 year-old fashion model who lives in the United Kingdom (UK). Recently she was asked to speak on a panel at The Clothes Show, an annual consumer exhibition that was taking place in Birmingham, England. The panel was about diversity in fashion, where she was planning on advocating for the inclusion of more disabled models in the fashion business. Ok...good deal. For the record, she uses a wheelchair because she has a rare condition called POTS where she passes out if she tries to stand up.

The platform at The Clothes Show

From her statement, her Twitter posts, and a post on The Mighty website about the panel, here's what I gather happened. Chelsea showed up to the panel, which was scheduled for 3:15pm, at 3:15pm. The panel had started early without her (ostensibly at 3:05pm). She noticed right away that no ramp had been set up to get her on the stage/platform, which was 15 inches off the ground. Seeing all this, apparently all she did was leave and tweet that she was "humiliated" by the experience.

“The fact that I was there to talk about disability inclusion in fashion, at a fashion event that excluded me, is laughable, but is not a joke,” Jay said in a statement. “It’s real life and it’s reality to so many disabled people every single day… Sadly, the Clothes Show has just perfectly highlighted the struggles I have had for the three years I’ve been campaigning for this.”

The Clothes Show responded to the incident in a statement (provided to The Mighty) that explained the lack of ramp was due to "genuine human error" and it could not be provided on time. They also said they had tried multiple times to contact Chelsea directly to apologize, but she had not responded. They then took to social media to apologize to her. Click HERE to read the full story on The Mighty just in case I'm leaving anything out.

I'm #sorrynotsorry, but I have to call some serious shenanigans here. To caveat, I understand this happened in the UK and not the US, so some of my comments may or may not be relevant or actionable--but I'm going to make them anyway. First, I'm a professional public speaker, and never in a million years would I show up to a panel at a conference right when it's about to start. Conference organizers ALWAYS want you there at least 30-45 minutes before the start to go over logistics (DUH) and know that everyone is where they're supposed to be. I'm not saying starting ten minutes early when one of your speakers is absent is OK, but she should have arrived earlier if that was possible. A LOT of things might have been prevented or resolved.

Second, hotels and conference centers can't always guarantee that a ramp is going to be there for disabled speakers when they need it. They try, but it doesn't always happen. This is why, as a disabled speaker who is not "the norm," you always have to have a back-up plan, or be prepared to adapt and overcome! So the ramp wasn't there. Big deal! Chelsea just snuck out in silence, tweeting that she was humiliated and blaming The Clothes Show for representing all that was wrong with discrimination against the disabled. Seriously?!?

I say that Ms. Jay is everything that's wrong with people--NOT just those in wheelchairs--who don't speak up and work to find a solution instead of just slipping away and becoming a victim. Why didn't she find someone in charge as soon as she arrived? Why didn't she ask if she could just speak from in front of the platform (which was NOT that high) instead of on it? Why didn't she ask if she could just be lifted by two helpful people onto and off the platform? (This may have been a legal liability issue in the UK, but you don't know unless you ask). I'll tell you, if I want people to hear my message, I WILL find a way to get it out there, ramp or no ramp. And I have no doubt in my mind that the conference organizers would have bent over backwards to help her find a solution.

Another thing that really bothers me is the fact she rebuffed all attempts by The Clothing Show to contact her and apologize. They were earnest enough to take to social media to do it, for goodness sakes! If you feel wronged or slighted or discriminated against (even when you're really not), at least give the alleged offender the opportunity to make things right.

Look...here in the US, those of us in mobility devices have it easy compared to other countries, thanks to the Americans with Disabilities Act. There are very few places I can't get into, and those are usually places that are historic, or just older than the ADA requirements for buildings that need to be retrofitted. But the ADA doesn't grant me the right to be indignant or humiliated when the logistical chips don't fall my way for circumstances out of anyone's control. Ms. Jay needs to save her indignant righteousness for a situation where she really is being discriminated against, or else she risks ALL of us being looked at like entitled whiners who just happen to be in wheelchairs (instead of just 20-something Millennials). This incident posed a minor problem that had multiple solutions, and while I admire Chelsea's advocacy efforts, she's going to need thicker skin and more than an ounce of resolve to get her through the challenges that will face her in the UK in the years to come.

I also don't like that her response to the lack of a ramp was so passive-aggressive in nature. What is she teaching other people about those of us in mobility devices? That we're slaves to every inconvenience the logistical gods place in front of us? Sometimes we are, but usually we're not. That we're weak and helpless, and can't get things done through leadership and politeness? That we have no problem being advocates for others, but can't advocate for ourselves? No way. Those of you who know me know I have zero expectations of people or places when it comes to accommodating me because I am not "the norm." That is a reality that I embrace. So when people DO reach out to help me--as I'm sure they would have done with Chelsea--it makes me happy to accept. With a gracious smile, of course :).

Why Are People Pissed at Kylie Jenner in a Wheelchair???

Today I was going through my Facebook feed, and I saw the most interesting post from a website called "The Mighty." Their folks write or repost articles about different disability-related issues, and the message is generally positive and empowering. But the headline I saw today was bizarre, and more than slightly intriguing: "Kylie Jenner's Wheelchair Photo Shoot Sparks Outrage."

For those of you who haven't heard of Kylie Jenner, she's 18 years old and the daughter of Kris and Bruce Jenner--who is now famously known as "Caitlyn" after he decided to become a woman. Kris Jenner is the matriarch of the Kardashian clan, a family best known for their reality shows and generally being otherwise completely useless to the human race. Kylie is very pretty, and she does a lot of modeling work. She is also no stranger to controversy, but this latest one is a bit of a riot.

So Kylie recently did a photo shoot for Interview magazine, which also has a history of controversial covers and photos. Kylie is on the cover of the December issue wearing not too much, in a brief black patent leather strapless body suit with some high heels. That wasn't the big deal. What set a lot of people off was the fact she was sitting and posing in a gold wheelchair. Here's the cover photo:

Wheelchair users everywhere took to Twitter, Facebook, email, pen and paper, and comment sections to say how offended they were about the photos. Long story short, they felt it was an insult to the disabled to show able-bodied Kylie in that kind of outfit supposedly debasing herself with a designer wheelchair as a prop. Here are some of the comments:

Emily Smith Beitiks, associate director of the Paul K. Longmore Institute on Disability added to CNN. “People with disabilities are already seen as powerless, and this just reinforces that. I think she’s literally being objectified made to look like a sex doll, and this wheelchair is an added element of passivity they’re adding on.”

Kayla Whaley, editor of the blog Disability in Kidlit, told CNN she would like to see a formal apology. “I’m constantly infantilized because of my wheelchair, denied even the idea of sexuality and agency let alone desirability,” Whaley later tweeted. “But Kylie? She gets paid and praised to wear the shallowest possible illusion of my disability for a few hours. The wheelchair is a prop to her. It’s my mobility, my freedom, my agency, my identity, my reality. A reality I’m often despised for.”

What the hell?!? OK, I get that a lot of wheelchair users out there are in worse shape than me, both physically and (clearly) mentally/emotionally. But now I'm curious why my experience with an electric scooter and power wheelchair have been so different. I've never been "infantilized," and I've certainly never been "denied the idea of sexuality." People look me in the eye all the time. When I travel for work, I dress in pretty/sexy professional dresses - usually from White House | Black Market, and pointy-toed flats. I even did a photo shoot with a formal strapless gown and sexy jeans IN MY POWER CHAIR, and ON PURPOSE. Here's one of those photos:

I hate to break it to all the people commenting on the Interview cover, but I'm definitely not feeling infantilized, and I don't lack for attention from men just because I'm in my scooter at a conference. Why? Because of how I choose to present myself and the attitude/confidence I put forward. All women have self-image issues regardless of whether or not they're in a wheelchair, and I completely understand that a mobility device exacerbates those issues for a lot of people. But YOU have control over the image you present! You can't control how people perceive you, but you can sure empower yourself to make that chair appear invisible to the people you're with. And to the lady who said the wheelchair was her identity? There are so many things wrong with that. I choose to make damn sure my MS and my power chair are NOT my identity. My identity is my family, my motherhood, my knowledge and skills, my personality...not the physical manifestation of an effing disease.

Here's what Interview had to say. “At Interview, we are proud of our tradition of working with great artists and empowering them to realize their distinct and often bold visions,” the magazine told E! News on Tuesday. “The Kylie Jenner cover by Steven Klein, which references the British artist Allen Jones, is a part of this tradition, placing Kylie in a variety of positions of power and control and exploring her image as an object of vast media scrutiny.” They continued, “Our intention was to create a powerful set of pictures that get people thinking about image and creative expression, including the set with the wheelchair. But our intention was certainly not to offend anyone.”

A huge inspiration for me has been a TV show (since cancelled) on The Sundance Channel called Push Girls. It's a reality show that follows the lives of five gorgeous women in Los Angeles...who are all paraplegics in wheelchairs. Here's a shot of the cast:

I know, right? They're freakin' gorgeous! And physically they're all in worse shape than I am because they can't feel or move their legs at all. They date, they work, and the most "spirited" of the bunch clearly has no problem finding a hook-up. I actually interviewed one of them - Mia - for my new book proposal, and I'm tempted to call her to ask what she thinks of the cover. Something tells me Mia would wonder what the big freakin' deal is.

Not only am I not offended by the cover, but I like it. I couldn't care less about Kylie Jenner, but given my own experiences working to dress and feel sexy in an electric scooter, I think it's pretty cool to see this as maybe a way of breaking the stereotype of women in wheelchairs. How many times have we seen models role playing for a photo shoot? But you never read about teachers or wild animal experts or boardroom executives complaining that they don't really do those things! Grrr! Mind you, it takes a lot of work to offend me, but if you're taking this photo as a slam to the wheelchair bound, then you need to lighten up. And maybe take some inspiration and buy a pair of heels you'll never walk in, but will make you feel pretty damn hot :).